So our big Disney adventure starts in two weeks, which I’m quite excited about, as is someone coming to housesit and get some painting done, so that’s also awesome. The eldest is on holiday with his girlfriend right now, the youngest leaves tomorrow for two weeks with her dad, and all that leaves me is reading, getting used to writing again (which I’m really struggling with), books, art, and therapy.
I wanted to talk for a sec about my therapy and my reading, though.
Therapy – compassion is thy name
I’ve been going to a type of therapy called ‘Compassion focused therapy’. It’s to teach me – and those that do it – to be slightly more self-compassionate. I struggle quite a bit with that, and it’s just something my brain just doesn’t get. It’s nothing anyone’s done to me as a child – I had a good life, compared to some – it’s just something that I wasn’t emotionally ready to learn, so I’m struggling to deal with it now. My later experiences compounded that – being bullied, bad relationships, losing friends in traumatic ways – it’s all shaped me into quite a little ball of neuroses, and though I absolutely stick to ‘they were kids they didn’t know what they were doing’ about my childhood bullies, there are some things I shouldn’t have put up with. But we learn and we grow, and that’s how we become, right?
Well, my ‘become’ has stalled. I have no drive, no self-soothing, just fear/fight/freeze/anger. It’s a pretty bad place to be, but I’m…enjoying isn’t the right word for what you do with therapy, but I find myself appreciating what I’m learning and doing as much work as possible to extend on it. It’s hard work, but I think it’s worthwhile.
One of the things that it did teach me though is that I don’t have any interest in writing right now and I’m struggling to even settle long enough to read. So, that’s what I wanted to talk about today.
I’m trying to decide whether I want to review books or not – I’m not saying I’ll open the reviews up to requests, but would people be interested in reading about the books I’m enjoying?
Answers on a postcard…..